I spent christmas and new year, in fact all the way up to my birthday battling a terrible chest infection, putting up with the annoying smell of antibiotics. I got the same old advice: drink plenty of fluids, eat, fruits, finish this course and take plenty of rest. Tried to do all that, and cough seemed to disappear, but I had no energy at all. Couldnt get out of bed, had to literally drag myself to get anywhere. Pretty annoying but decided I’m going to beat it.
Anyway, right about after new year I decided to go shopping. There’s a big supermarket about 45 minutes. Struggled to drag myself to the bus stop, got in…phew at least I’m not walking, I think. We get to the bus stop at the supermarket I look around and realise I didn’t know where the bus going back stopped. Feeling very weak I decide I’ll take a taxi on my way back. I call a number I had and enquire how much it would cost me, I think not too bad. Shopping done in a hazy state, I call the taxi guys and they tell me they’ll be at the supermarket in 15 minutes. I say Ok, sit down on frozen bench outside and wait. It was already dark and every one was getting in their car. The bastards.
Minutes pass, taxi stops right in front of me.
“Alice, are you Alice”
He seems too keen to drive off, so I get in. Of course I’m not Alice.
I say yes, get in and he tells me the direction we’re going which of course isn’t the same as mine. So he’s driving out of the supermarket confused and I’m thinking, ‘I’m going to stick to this’. I tell him about every other minute that some one must have made a mistake e.t.c Luckily enough he’s a nice guy so he changes the sat and off we go. On the way I’m crossing my fingers and hoping Alice doesn’t call HQ to complain about a taxi she booked, be cause I had no story for that. Nothing of the sort happens and I get home and wonder what happened to Alice and my taxi and whether the taxi that I took got informed by the HQ that it was the wrong passenger.
Happy new year! I’m back from my ‘rest’ and will do the offline typing as suggested in the previous post. I’m also 22 today.
The internet connection where I live now is shit. I can’t be bothered to compose a post, lose it, compose it again and so on – I don’t think my last post was lucid either because of this. So I shall take a little rest for a few days. Hope you are all well and doing the Christmassy thing with great relish.
Met up with BB yesterday. I didn’t tell him about the shenanigans with the landlord and the other bad stuff, I just pretended everything was OK. I did tell him that I wasn’t feeling well last week though – this was after he asked for us to meet up and I was half homeless so I didn’t have anywhere for him to come visit and was extraordinarily knackered. I still am, hence the lack of posts, but I’m working on calming down and relaxing. A feat that is proving to be extremely difficult, but lying in bed and thinking about nothing does help a lot.
We hanged around at ‘mine’, then he said what he said this other time. I agreed. Inwardly I wondered wether the first time I came across as wishy washy. Wether in his eyes I look desperate. And lonely. A girl a man goes out because he feels sorry for. But then men don’t do this kind of charity, only women do. Only women go out with men because they pity them, so maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad. But then again, who knows? It could all be in my head. He said we should be friends, but the added that we should take a break, then while parting he said he’d contact me so we could spend sometime together when he was completely available. Then, when it he was completely available it would work, not now.
“Sex doesn’t work with us. I can’t give you more…more time.”
I don’t know if I want more or not. I’m not sad. Even if he never contacts me again and was just saying that for the sake of saying it. I had a great time with him, a great learning/growing up time.
We had lunch, talked about Ikea, gassy coke, how you can never go wrong with chips and listened to The Eagles on the way home. I have thought about this incident as I would normally do in my usual state of paranoia, but he’s like Fish now, someone I wouldn’t want to lose. I want him in my life, and unlike Fish, I would love to see him again and have the same great intimate times we had again. He started off someone I didn’t think very much of, but now I respect and look upto him a lot, probably too much.
I never thought I’d think or say this but BB is a good man, and yes he’s now going on that list in the tag. He also implored me not to be alone at Christmas. Saying if he didn’t have a lo of family dos to go to he would be with me but he can’t be available, so I should just jump at the chance if anyone invites me. I said that would be desperate, and I would be alright, but he insisted I shouldn’t be alone. Aaaaw…
There is this creepy children’s programme on CBeebies called Waybuloo. I came across it one morning when I didn’t have anything to do in the house and all the other early morning programmes had nothing special to offer so I decided to watch some children’s TV. After the usual line up, it came up. I was multitasking; applying for jobs online while stealing the occasional glance at the telly. I first heard the weird chimes, and I thought, ‘What? Did I change the channel?’, then I looked up and saw these colourful and totally otherworldly crystals going round and round. I thought,’ Hang on a minute, is this CBeebies?’ Then the little people came up, creepily mumbling things. At this point I thought to myself that there was something inherently wrong about this but didn’t know what, so I continued watching it until I got to the part where they have their daily yoga sessions, they call it yogi in Waybuloo world. The little people encourage the children watching to get into position and do the yogi too. What the hell?
I’m usually not one of those conspiracy theory types but surely there is an agenda behind this? The programme is just too ‘let’s get all hippy, meditate, chant and we shall achieve a peaceful state of mind’. And what does that remind you of? I thought children’s programmes are supposed to be secular? They should let them grow up and make up their own minds on religion that’s what I think. If I had little ones I would never let them watch this programme. But then again, maybe all the ‘progressive’ yummy mummies think this is cool. Anyway, even more creepy was the fact that on the day that I took a fall in the snow – I think it was the first and the heaviest snow day last week – there was a woman and her little girl walking behind me and she kept telling her to hurry up so that they could get home, be warm and watch Waybuloo.
‘We don’t want to miss Waybuloo, do we?’ she kept repeating this before lifting her up, and at this exact moment I fell and landed straight on my bum. There was a bloke in front of the woman – I hadn’t seen him earlier on, he rushed to help me up but I had managed to get myself up quickly enough so all he did was end up saying, ‘Be careful please,’ and off he went. The woman and her child then walked casually past me as I was dusting the snow off and got into a house four doors away.