26/11/2009

It didn’t rain.

I walked back home from uni after a one on one session with my tutor. I was told I’m a very bright and hard-working girl who seems very enthusiastic about the project. The project that I was not the least bit passionate about? That’s how much of a show I have to put on. It’s the only way. I can’t afford to show the real me. How broken I am. Lost and hopeless. If I did, I wouldn’t survive.

At home I got this

My baby, I love you. I want to see you.

It was that guy who’s been begging me to get naked for him on webcam. I had no time for that shit today, so I told him how busy I am and promptly logged off after letting him know that I’m aware he doesn’t love me. He just wants to see me naked. I didn’t think about King much today. I have a portfolio to finish designing, for presentation tomorrow. I have a lot of reading to do and an essay to finish. I’ve decided to stay awake until dawn, then sleep for a few hours before heading to uni.

I’m listening to a CD that King gave to me. As I work, I keep having those memories. I was so happy when I was him I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I didn’t listen to my sixth sense. I just lived for then. Everyone around me noticed this. King even once told me that during the time I was with him, I looked out of this world. He said I kissed him as if I was getting just too much pleasure from him. Like I was in a trance. “You are a very passionate girl,” he said. “I’ve never been with a girl like you.”

Well, that’s me. I love hard and fall harder. Still, no regrets.

I have to finish my portfolio.

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