15/02/2010

Last week, I handed in my project. It’s the penultimate one, about 40% of my final degree. On that day I was so emotional it was insane. Two days before hand in, I had some sudden chest pains. I thought it was the stress causing this so I tried to control it by sleeping enough, eating well and trying not to panic about my work. As the pain progressed, I began to get scared. I’m on The Pill and I was made aware by my GP that sometimes chest pains can arise. Being the hypochondriac that I am I began to worry about a heart attack. So, on the exact day before hand in I decided to go and see my GP again because I just couldn’t contain it anymore. I explained everything. Turned out, it’s some sort of heart burn, too much acid. I’ve never had heartburn in my life. My body does not react against any food, even with all the stress, so this was something new. He gave me some pills. I went home, took them, felt better instantly and slept the whole bloody day! The day that I was suppose to be wrapping up the project for crying out loud.

Luckily I woke up in the evening, spent the whole night awake. I finished the thing at about noon. No sleep for all those hours. I then went over to uni to bind everything together in a huge project file for hand in. Got there, the machine wasn’t working. I wanted to scream. Some other girls from my course were there. I don’t talk to them a lot but they were discussing about their projects and I just stood there listening. I started wondering whether I’d done the right thing with my project. Wether I’d pass. I just felt so useless at that time. That I’d basically wasted my time at university. I mean, it is very hard to be a very poor student at university. It really is. As much as I try to avoid this issue but my performance WILL be affected by this fact. I know it. It’s obvious to see. I stood there with terrible period cramps while I waited for the machine to be fixed. Later, I took the bus to go food shopping in town.

I got home, had something to eat then cried myself to sleep.

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