15/02/2010

Last week, I handed in my project. It’s the penultimate one, about 40% of my final degree. On that day I was so emotional it was insane. Two days before hand in, I had some sudden chest pains. I thought it was the stress causing this so I tried to control it by sleeping enough, eating well and trying not to panic about my work. As the pain progressed, I began to get scared. I’m on The Pill and I was made aware by my GP that sometimes chest pains can arise. Being the hypochondriac that I am I began to worry about a heart attack. So, on the exact day before hand in I decided to go and see my GP again because I just couldn’t contain it anymore. I explained everything. Turned out, it’s some sort of heart burn, too much acid. I’ve never had heartburn in my life. My body does not react against any food, even with all the stress, so this was something new. He gave me some pills. I went home, took them, felt better instantly and slept the whole bloody day! The day that I was suppose to be wrapping up the project for crying out loud.

Luckily I woke up in the evening, spent the whole night awake. I finished the thing at about noon. No sleep for all those hours. I then went over to uni to bind everything together in a huge project file for hand in. Got there, the machine wasn’t working. I wanted to scream. Some other girls from my course were there. I don’t talk to them a lot but they were discussing about their projects and I just stood there listening. I started wondering whether I’d done the right thing with my project. Wether I’d pass. I just felt so useless at that time. That I’d basically wasted my time at university. I mean, it is very hard to be a very poor student at university. It really is. As much as I try to avoid this issue but my performance WILL be affected by this fact. I know it. It’s obvious to see. I stood there with terrible period cramps while I waited for the machine to be fixed. Later, I took the bus to go food shopping in town.

I got home, had something to eat then cried myself to sleep.

14/02/2010

It’s Valentine’s Day. Fish is gone.

A few days after he asked me about my friends situation I decided to tell him  the truth. I didn’t want to get into a lot of details about it, just the basics. He understood. He said it’s OK and that it’s perfectly normal to be in my situation. We spent a few more days together and I loved it. I loved the fact that I could trust him. He’s whole and stable. I think I mentioned that is one major reason that makes me like him. On Wednesday however, he got a call from his boss saying they are transferring him to a branch out of the country. A branch in his home country. Remember? So, he had to travel on Thursday. I didn’t talk to him until yesterday. He was asking me if I’m OK. We talked a lot and he told me he will be in the position until September. It’s a temporary position but coming back to work in the UK branch has not been discussed. He’s four hours away so it’s not  the other side of the world but I’m crushed.

We had connection problems  at the end of his call last night so we didn’t finish properly on the phone but he texted me later explaining and told me not to worry about a thing.

I just want to run away.

Happy Valentine’s to all of you.

12/02/2010

I just want to cry in someone’s arms.

09/02/2010

I really hate it when I’m so tired, rushed, in the bus just wanting to get home to rest, and then the rowdy crowd gets in. Shouting and laughing loudly. Reeking of alcohol, still drinking alcohol in juice bottles. I just want to smack people sometimes. I really do. Had this happen to me last night. Was on my way home from the library. It was very late. All I wanted to do was get home and sleep.

06/02/2010

Thanks for all the comments on the previous post. Very helpful. This weekend I’m going to be extra busy. I have an assignment due in three days and I have to perfect it! 😀