WOW. I really must have the worst luck in the world. I had a very emotional conversation with Fish. He will not be coming back to UK. He starts an assignment in his country at the beginning of April. I don’t want to go into too much detail about it for the sake of privacy. He will be very busy and on the job most of the times so wont have a  lot of time in his hands to communicate with me like he does now. He even used the word maybe. You know  things really are awful when the word maybe is used.

“I don’t know *Dazedlittlemiss* maybe after this assignment when I’m back to my normal work we can meet,” his words stung.

I didn’t want to say anything. I just allowed myself to feel that hollow feeling in my heart. Like someone just ruthlessly gorged out a big chunk of it.

“You can come to visit here. You are always welcomed.”

“I just don’t think I’ll come back to UK again, it just looks like I’ll be staying in my country a lot and if its holidays, then it will be other countries,” he added.

I tried to ease the pain I was feeling by concluding, “Obviously. Who comes to UK for holidays anyway?” I then laughed.

There was silence for a while. A few seconds later I said that I was going to bed. I wished him good night.

I don’t want to talk to him tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I will make myself unavailable for a bit. A week maybe. I just need time for myself. Part of me thinks it’s really sad and keeps wondering what could have been. The other part thinks there is nothing to be stressed about. I was just getting to know the guy and even if nothing serious materialised at least I learned a lot of lessons from him. I learnt that all men are not the same. As much as I don’t believe in  waiting for love to come to you (what’s wrong with deciding what’s best for you and seeking it?), I think I’m going to lay off men for a while. I know I said that before here, then Fish happened. Well, I didn’t mean for him to come to my life. His friend introduced me. Ok, you could say I put myself through that situation by talking about certain things with his friend that led to us being introduced to each other, but at least in my heart I know I never went around looking for a man. So, it’ll be the same this time. I’ll be concentrating on my last project. If someone comes along then hooray! If not, well, I might just turn into one of those lonely cat women.

4 Responses to “”

  1. gekkogirl Says:

    I love that you have learned lessons from Fish and can see that despite the disappointment of not hearing or seeing him for a while.

    The most important lesson though Missy is that you are a lovely, attractive woman – remember that!

  2. Thanks, I’ll remember that. 🙂

  3. I agree! Don’t forget that!

  4. […] just go ahead and say what Fish does so you can understand exactly how the situation is. He’s in the army. Posted in The Men I […]

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