26/04/2010

I went to the library’s IT suites today with the intention of doing some catching up on some work I missed out on Friday on the university’s online learning facility. I sat in front of one of the computers and after a few seconds realised my account has been disabled. I immediately knew why. I owe some money. Normally when it gets to this time of the year when almost everyone has already paid there is usually no warnings or a grace period, your account just gets disabled until a payment is made. In the past I’ve always had to go to the account’s office and negotiate and promise to pay on a particular day before I was allowed into my account. Well, today I had no energy for that. I just couldn’t. I’m sick and tired of the humiliation. I hate to know that those people behind the desk at the office are looking at me and judging me. I had spoken to my mother about it during the weekend (she was supposed to make the payment) and she said the reason she didn’t is because she  didn’t have enough funds in her account when the cheque from the university came through, having just paid for some stuff my brother needed for school. It has to be until next week, meaning I can not log in to check my emails or book anything out from the university. Since I was not intending to go to the account’s office I decided to send a text to my mother and then go home. As I was sitting there doing this, this guy walked in. I wa texting and just happened to glance at the entrance door. I hadn’t seen him around in weeks. As usual my heart fluttered. He’s just reminds of King so much all I want to do is look at him. He walked towards the computers on the side I was sitting on and went to sit to the one next to me. Wow. I actually stopped texting and kept on stealing glances from the side of my eye. As he sat down, a girl leaned over to him. I realised this was the girl who was walking behind him. She hummed that song…loving you, is easy coz  you’re beautiful…a bit loudly while she waited as he got something from his bag and gave it to her.  She took it and leaned further to kiss him and then walked away. My heart sunk. Very low. I don’t know if I wanted to die or run away but at that moment my hands just randomly stopped texting and I sat there in a  haze for a few seconds. How fucking lovely. He has a girlfriend who thinks he’s beautiful. I think he’s beautiful too. I think he’s the most beautiful man around but of course I can’t have him. He doesn’t even know I exist. He wouldn’t even want someone like me. I was going to go immediately after texting but I decided to linger around just to watch him. So, there they were. Everyone was being happy with their girlfriends/boyfriends and then there was me: no money even the university has to suspend my account now and then to remind of this and no one to even so much as feign interest in me. I haven’t stopped thinking about this incident since. Fuck me, how lovely is my life?

21/04/2010

Well, I got ticket vouchers worth £10 from the bus company today through the post. This was after I sent two emails, and then another one on Monday morning threatening to take the case to the students advice body if I didn’t hear from them in one more week. I guess that worked because the vouchers came with an apology letter. About time. I think the fact I used my uni email address to communicate with them also helped matters a lot. I think it showed that I have some form of support to turn to so they didn’t dare double cross me.

Anyway, I just started swimming lessons today. It was so much fun and I hope to build my confidence with every lesson that I have, even if it’s just once a week. I’m on a high today because I looked back and it seems most of the things I listed down on sticky notes plastered all over my room seem to be happening. This is really good for me as I desperately need to turn my life around. Now if only I can keep up with the saving and the getting a job bit.

19/04/2010

I must say volunteering is great. You know the way you always hear people say that volunteering makes you feel good about yourself, it makes a difference and all those clichés? Well, they are  true. I had my first day on Friday and the atmosphere was so nice. Everyone was friendly and I felt like I was helping out. I felt like I was really needed. Looking forwards to my second day this week.  🙂

13/04/2010

I just started a volunteering  job this week. It’s only about five hours a week but it’s great as it will keep me occupied during the weekend. I also need something to put on my CV for this summer because I want to save money and the only option at the moment is to have more than one job. So, after graduation I’ll keep looking for a serious job. By serious I mean something related to my field of study and then the experience that I’ll be getting from this volunteering position will be illustrated on my CV  in order to get another/any  job(s). I figured that is the only way I’m going to save enough money within a short time. I’m trying to be realistic here. I would hate to just sit at home  applying  for jobs, go for interviews and watch as the days go by without any serious offer materializing. I’d rather do any kind of work and have money coming in for the time being so I can save.

12/04/2010

What a coincidence that I blogged about P the other day and the Poland tragedy happens. I’m really saddened. My heart goes out to everyone in Poland. I now wish I had P’s contact details.

I’ve been feeling great in the past week. Plenty of sunshine and sleep. Trust me, going to bed at 9 pm every night is so good. You wake up feeling like a new person. It gives you plenty of energy. This is the week that Fish starts his assignment and the communication becomes almost non existant. I’ll miss him a lot but I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to stress myself, I just want to live my life and take everything as it comes.