31/05/2010

Fish turned 27  last week. There was no celebration because of his work commitments* so I just sent him a happy birthday message and wished him well. We hadn’t spoken in about two weeks so he asked if we could chat on messenger. We talked about stuff, mostly his work* and my uni projects.  Hearing  his voice, seeing his face…it’s just so beautiful. I really want this man.  As it is now, we are not in a relationship. We’ve never talked about the R word but there is something there. I can feel it and I know he can feel it too. I know he likes me. I don’t know how much but I think it’s a significant amount otherwise he wouldn’t be doing these things. Did I mention that he had to cancel a job interview to come and meet me for the first time?

The night before we met, we were chatting online and planning on when and where to meet when he mentioned that he had to call the company he was supposed to turn up for an interview the next morning. I wasn’t expecting that. He told me it was fine. In fact this is how he put it:

“The letter said I should call them if I had any emergency.”

“What’s the emergency  tomorrow then?”

“I want to come and meet you, so I can’t make it for the interview.”

“But it’s not an emergency,” I replied and laughed.

“Well it is. It’s an important day for me because I’m coming to meet you.”

“OK, but if the interview is important let me not disrupt you. Just go.”

“No, meeting you is important, not the interview.” he finished.

 I went into bed that night thinking this man meant business. Cancelling a job interview? But  here I am thinking and then what? He’s in a different country from me. What happens here? I don’t have a problem with LDRs but since we are not in a relationship, how do we make that step into one with the distance between us should things go that way? I’m really confused because I like him so much and I’m at that stage where I am scared of losing him. I keep thinking, ‘what if he meets someone else there? Someone more interesting than me?’.  He’s not mine yet but that’s how I feel. I promised myself I’ll do things right this time and be honest because the possibility of something happening is there  and if it doesn’t go that way, then I’ll try my best not to go crazy and still be friends with him because he really is very important to me. I’ve learned a lot from him. I want to keep him.

On the other hand I could be deluded. He probably doesn’t feel all that for me. I probably shouldn’t put all my hopes on us but my instinctints tell me otherwise and when this happens I’m almost always right.

*I’ll just go ahead and say what Fish does so you can understand exactly how the situation is. He’s in the army.

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One Response to “”


  1. […] that once I attract a certain type, similar ones follow. I mentioned about Fish being in the army here. Well, guess what? I spoke to The Italian over the weekend for the first time in months, and […]


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