20/06/2010

It’s been what? Two weeks now? Just about.

Applications sent: I’ve lost count. I’ve lost count of all the job boards and CV sites I’ve registered myself. Lost count of all the recruitment agencies I’ve called and gone to register my details with. Lost count of all the companies I’ve cold called. I’m very shattered but still going strong. I told myself when I started this:

I’ll be damned if I don’t get what I want

Progress so far: Three responses, one which is very positive and might get me an interview at the beginning of July.

I even had to clean my perpetually messy room and rearrange it so that my reading desk can face the window where enough light was coming through as I decided to sit at my desk with my laptop while doing stuff instead of the usual culprits, the bed or the kitchen table. I need to feel ‘proper’, like I’m doing something.

Now, on to something else that I’ve always wanted to rant about

I am a very sexual person. I love sex, certainly not obsessed with it and can go without it but when it comes to being with someone I love the full sexual experience. I want to be with someone and feel his whole person, experience a fulfilling and mutual connection without any ‘what ifs and buts’, even if it is to last for only a few minutes, I want those few minutes to mean something. I’m the type of person who’ll look at a man I find attractive and think ‘by God, I want to do that man so bad’ but at the back of mind still think ‘if we get into a relationship, I’d stay with him for as along as it takes, even forever’

What am I saying? I’m saying that if I met a man today, found him appealing to me (doesn’t necessarily have to be attractive nor does it have to be love at first sight) I have the ability to have sex with him on that first encounter and yet be able to  enter into a relationship, if w both wanted,  where I’d be faithful and loyal to him. That is just the way I am. Call it a voracious sexual appetite , call it whatever you like but that is me. What I hate is for people to think that a woman can not be like that. That a woman, can not want to fuck a man’s brains out on that first encounter and still make a faithful partner. To me, that’s ridiculous. I’ve never cheated on any man in my life and I never will. I understand that society has an unwritten rule on women and their sexuality but  I like to have my own rules on this issue. The way I see it is, if I met a man and we got to know each other and he judged me solely on my sexual appetite and they way I went about it and he left me, then that’s his loss because he didn’t stay long enough to see how faithful and truthful I could be to him.

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7 Responses to “”


  1. Good Luck with the job hunting.

    Agree with the sex thing too. I also find it odd that in general, women cannot be like that. It’s quirky and old fashioned!

  2. BlackLOG Says:

    I’m sad to say, welcome to a very unbalanced world where women are not playing on a level playing field. I think it might be that us men have dominated for so long and are not willing to share for the fear that we will be judged and found wanting*….

    We should judge people as individuals regardless of sex, colour etc…Sadly we are conditioned to expect people to conform and follow set rules. John Lennon wrote a song “Woman in the Nigger of the World” which highlights the problem in a fairly crude way the problem…

    * Not the whole picture because women often judge other women even more harshly, I’m guessing for not conforming.

  3. beckyb26 Says:

    Good luck with the job search. I’m in the same boat myself…

    Now about the sex on the first date thing…yes, it might be unfair that men usually don’t want to date the girl that has sex on the first date because she seems like a slut or whatever, but just because you want to have sex with someone right away doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Why not wait a while and make it worth YOUR time and effort. Build up the attraction, then the sex will really be fantastic. I used to have sex on the first date a lot, then I started to value myself more and decided that if it was hot on the first date, it would only get hotter! I think I used to do it to break the ice a little, you know, have us be intimate quickly so to avoid awkwardness. But not I appreciate the awkwardness.

    It’s up to you. If you feel comfortable with yourself and just want to have sex on the first date, then go for it. I’m just offering a different opinion. 🙂


  4. good point, i’m not really talking specifically about sex right away, i just get irritated when people go on with the whole ‘how long should you wait’ debate, and the whole ‘women should have a different sexual appetite from men” charade.

  5. gekkogirl Says:

    As with most things it starts with being comfortable about yourself & what you want. We are conditioned somewhat by societal norms built up over years of male dominanace & women reinforcing it – we are the harshest judges of our fellow females!

    I personally think a good balance between my own needs and desires & an understanding of the man that I want/have makes for a great great experience.


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