15/12/2010

Met up with BB yesterday. I didn’t tell him about the shenanigans with the landlord and the other bad stuff,  I just pretended everything was OK. I did tell him that I wasn’t feeling well last week though – this was after he asked for us to meet up and I was half homeless so I didn’t have anywhere for him to come visit and was extraordinarily knackered. I still am, hence the lack of posts, but I’m working on calming down and relaxing.  A feat that is proving to be extremely difficult, but lying in bed and thinking about nothing does help a lot.

We hanged around at ‘mine’, then he said what he said this other time. I agreed. Inwardly I wondered wether the first time I came across as wishy washy. Wether in his eyes I look desperate. And lonely. A girl a man goes out because he feels sorry for. But then men don’t do this kind of charity, only women do. Only women go out with men because they pity them, so maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad. But then again, who knows? It could all be in my head. He said we should be friends, but the added that we should take a break, then while parting he said he’d contact me so we could spend sometime together when he was completely available. Then, when it he was completely available it would work, not now.

“Sex doesn’t work with us. I can’t give you more…more time.”

I don’t know if I want more or not. I’m not sad. Even if he never contacts me again and was just saying that for the sake of saying it. I had a great time with him, a great learning/growing up time.

We had lunch, talked about Ikea, gassy coke,  how you can never go wrong with chips and listened to The Eagles on the way home. I have thought about this incident as I would normally do in my usual state of paranoia, but he’s like Fish now, someone I wouldn’t want to lose. I want him in my life, and unlike Fish, I would love to see him again and have the same great intimate times we had again. He started off someone I didn’t think very much of, but now I respect and look upto him a lot, probably too much.

I never thought I’d think or say this but BB is a good man, and yes he’s now going on that list in the tag. He also implored me not to be alone at Christmas. Saying if he didn’t have a lo of family dos to go to he would be with me but he can’t be available, so I should just jump at the chance if anyone invites me. I said that would be desperate, and I would be alright, but he insisted I shouldn’t be alone. Aaaaw…

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