20/06/2010

It’s been what? Two weeks now? Just about.

Applications sent: I’ve lost count. I’ve lost count of all the job boards and CV sites I’ve registered myself. Lost count of all the recruitment agencies I’ve called and gone to register my details with. Lost count of all the companies I’ve cold called. I’m very shattered but still going strong. I told myself when I started this:

I’ll be damned if I don’t get what I want

Progress so far: Three responses, one which is very positive and might get me an interview at the beginning of July.

I even had to clean my perpetually messy room and rearrange it so that my reading desk can face the window where enough light was coming through as I decided to sit at my desk with my laptop while doing stuff instead of the usual culprits, the bed or the kitchen table. I need to feel ‘proper’, like I’m doing something.

Now, on to something else that I’ve always wanted to rant about

I am a very sexual person. I love sex, certainly not obsessed with it and can go without it but when it comes to being with someone I love the full sexual experience. I want to be with someone and feel his whole person, experience a fulfilling and mutual connection without any ‘what ifs and buts’, even if it is to last for only a few minutes, I want those few minutes to mean something. I’m the type of person who’ll look at a man I find attractive and think ‘by God, I want to do that man so bad’ but at the back of mind still think ‘if we get into a relationship, I’d stay with him for as along as it takes, even forever’

What am I saying? I’m saying that if I met a man today, found him appealing to me (doesn’t necessarily have to be attractive nor does it have to be love at first sight) I have the ability to have sex with him on that first encounter and yet be able to  enter into a relationship, if w both wanted,  where I’d be faithful and loyal to him. That is just the way I am. Call it a voracious sexual appetite , call it whatever you like but that is me. What I hate is for people to think that a woman can not be like that. That a woman, can not want to fuck a man’s brains out on that first encounter and still make a faithful partner. To me, that’s ridiculous. I’ve never cheated on any man in my life and I never will. I understand that society has an unwritten rule on women and their sexuality but  I like to have my own rules on this issue. The way I see it is, if I met a man and we got to know each other and he judged me solely on my sexual appetite and they way I went about it and he left me, then that’s his loss because he didn’t stay long enough to see how faithful and truthful I could be to him.

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22/05/2010

Can you believe me? I was reading The Mammoth Book Of Erotica at work yesterday. I  sat there behind the till reading it and having naughty thoughts while waiting for customers. Yeah, that’s how physically lonely I feel. Anyway, it was a good afternoon. The manager wasn’t there and I was left in charge of not only the place, but also of a new volunteer. So I showed her around and felt really important. She even thought I’d worked there for a long time and was very surprised to learn that it’s only been three weeks since I started. Yay 🙂 I like feeling useful.

I handed in my project. That’s me done. At this point any grade will do as long as it’s not a fail. We have a very small project coming up for about three weeks, so I hope I’ll scrape some marks from that to top up the overall grade. Other than that it’s summer. Very hot and I’m happy to show some skin 😛

21/04/2010

Well, I got ticket vouchers worth £10 from the bus company today through the post. This was after I sent two emails, and then another one on Monday morning threatening to take the case to the students advice body if I didn’t hear from them in one more week. I guess that worked because the vouchers came with an apology letter. About time. I think the fact I used my uni email address to communicate with them also helped matters a lot. I think it showed that I have some form of support to turn to so they didn’t dare double cross me.

Anyway, I just started swimming lessons today. It was so much fun and I hope to build my confidence with every lesson that I have, even if it’s just once a week. I’m on a high today because I looked back and it seems most of the things I listed down on sticky notes plastered all over my room seem to be happening. This is really good for me as I desperately need to turn my life around. Now if only I can keep up with the saving and the getting a job bit.

19/04/2010

I must say volunteering is great. You know the way you always hear people say that volunteering makes you feel good about yourself, it makes a difference and all those clichés? Well, they are  true. I had my first day on Friday and the atmosphere was so nice. Everyone was friendly and I felt like I was helping out. I felt like I was really needed. Looking forwards to my second day this week.  🙂

13/04/2010

I just started a volunteering  job this week. It’s only about five hours a week but it’s great as it will keep me occupied during the weekend. I also need something to put on my CV for this summer because I want to save money and the only option at the moment is to have more than one job. So, after graduation I’ll keep looking for a serious job. By serious I mean something related to my field of study and then the experience that I’ll be getting from this volunteering position will be illustrated on my CV  in order to get another/any  job(s). I figured that is the only way I’m going to save enough money within a short time. I’m trying to be realistic here. I would hate to just sit at home  applying  for jobs, go for interviews and watch as the days go by without any serious offer materializing. I’d rather do any kind of work and have money coming in for the time being so I can save.