25/09/2010

Went out for lunch with BB yesterday. One pint later I started talking about my time at uni and my dad. So he asked, “Is that why you are seeing me? To rebel?”

“No, I’m seeing you because I like you,” I answered.

There was a brief pause. I looked at his eyes. God, I love those eyes. And his hands too.

Then he said, “You know I always miss you. When I don’t see you a lot during the week it’s not because I’m ignoring you. You are always on my mind. I just have  a lot of things to take care of. You do understand?”

“Yes, I understand.”

“I want to be with you all the time. You are very beautiful. Just understand that.”

“I do honestly.”

“OK, kiss?”

Smiles. Kisses.

Back to the food.

11/09/2010

I thought I had stuck a fork in it with BB, only for him to track me down. He’s of the numerous e-mail addresses. Turns out he’s separated *shuddering*. I’m not sure I can deal with all that baggage, what with my own heap to deal with. His baby though, is really beautiful. Definitely inherited his father’s mysterious green eyes and has the sweetest little smile in the world 🙂

With this sudden turn of events, I’m now left wondering,  ‘what exactly does he want from me?’ Sex? A short-term thing (sex and more but only for the short-term?) I don’t half understand the bloke. He tells me a lot about his life now and we seem to meet more often than before. I still like to think it’s just a physical thing mainly because I’m not in the position to start caring about a man with a baby. I’m simply not capable of that. It’s too much to deal with. He, however, knows that he can get what he wants from me. He’s better than me in most things. Better life, better job, status, nice car, more experience. He knows this and is using it to get want he wants. The saddest part is that I’m letting him do this to me because I feel at this point in my life, no sane man would want to be with me. It makes me want to cry just thinking of it that way.