Whoa! I hate looking for a job.

The promising call  I had last week has fizzled into nothing because I received an email saying I was unsuccessful.  I’m really trying my best not to lose it here, so I’ll keep trudging on. I’ve also had four rejections by email. 😦

 At this point, I’m ready to find a job in an unrelated field of study. In fact the plan has changed to: FIND ANY BLOODY JOB!!!


It’s been what? Two weeks now? Just about.

Applications sent: I’ve lost count. I’ve lost count of all the job boards and CV sites I’ve registered myself. Lost count of all the recruitment agencies I’ve called and gone to register my details with. Lost count of all the companies I’ve cold called. I’m very shattered but still going strong. I told myself when I started this:

I’ll be damned if I don’t get what I want

Progress so far: Three responses, one which is very positive and might get me an interview at the beginning of July.

I even had to clean my perpetually messy room and rearrange it so that my reading desk can face the window where enough light was coming through as I decided to sit at my desk with my laptop while doing stuff instead of the usual culprits, the bed or the kitchen table. I need to feel ‘proper’, like I’m doing something.

Now, on to something else that I’ve always wanted to rant about

I am a very sexual person. I love sex, certainly not obsessed with it and can go without it but when it comes to being with someone I love the full sexual experience. I want to be with someone and feel his whole person, experience a fulfilling and mutual connection without any ‘what ifs and buts’, even if it is to last for only a few minutes, I want those few minutes to mean something. I’m the type of person who’ll look at a man I find attractive and think ‘by God, I want to do that man so bad’ but at the back of mind still think ‘if we get into a relationship, I’d stay with him for as along as it takes, even forever’

What am I saying? I’m saying that if I met a man today, found him appealing to me (doesn’t necessarily have to be attractive nor does it have to be love at first sight) I have the ability to have sex with him on that first encounter and yet be able to  enter into a relationship, if w both wanted,  where I’d be faithful and loyal to him. That is just the way I am. Call it a voracious sexual appetite , call it whatever you like but that is me. What I hate is for people to think that a woman can not be like that. That a woman, can not want to fuck a man’s brains out on that first encounter and still make a faithful partner. To me, that’s ridiculous. I’ve never cheated on any man in my life and I never will. I understand that society has an unwritten rule on women and their sexuality but  I like to have my own rules on this issue. The way I see it is, if I met a man and we got to know each other and he judged me solely on my sexual appetite and they way I went about it and he left me, then that’s his loss because he didn’t stay long enough to see how faithful and truthful I could be to him.


Well, I started  looking for a job. Forget the voluntary one that I do once a week and enjoy. I’m looking for a job that will pay me because I need to save money.

Drop your job hunting tips. Even by email.

Thank you.


This week I’ve thought a lot about what I’m going to do with myself come summer next year ( after I graduate). It’s not been easy but it’s the only time in the past few months that I’ve actually felt a bit positive about everything. The feeling is great. I suddenly feel like I need to get off my backside, get out there and do something. I have to. I’ve got about seven months now and I feel if I don’t do something…anything, I’m going to be stuck in this rut. God forbid! If there’s something that scares me shitless in this world, apart from my number one fear of death, it’s unemployment. Unemployment after university. I’ll have no excuse of being a full-time student. I shudder.

I’ve also been reviewing the past year. I normally try to avoid this because all my years always end up seeming like they were just crap. Only this time I was triggered by reading the Observer Music Monthly and they were reviewing the past decade in music. My oh my, doesn’t time just fly? I was looking at the songs gone by, the artist. All those memories of my life as it was about ten years ago. I wanted to cry. So much has changed. I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know myself anymore. Ten years ago I had so much going on for me. Life, friends, happiness, ambition…so much. Now when I look at myself in the mirror I see a ghost.