I’m getting ready to go to bed. I was going to sleep earlier but as usual I decided to wait to see if my ‘ex’ ( I’ll call him King from now on because his real name roughly means that) would come online. I waited on Skype, Yahoo…nothing. I know that he works late into the night but I just wait because sometimes he just comes online earlier than I expected. In short, it’s hard to know with him. He doesn’t live in UK and we have a two-hour time difference. It’s hard to say where or what we are now. All I know is that most of the times when he comes online we end up having cyber sex and I end up going to bed thinking and dreaming about him, making things even worse for me because I know he doesnt feel the same way. I even know for a fact that he does this with other girls. So many of them. It was one of the reasons why what we had ended. I poured my heart out to him about how hurt I was. He retaliated by blaming me and his work/depression. He then asked me to give him time and forgive him, then we left it at that. Next thing I know, we are just saying ‘Hi honey, How are you?, Go on cam, You look sexy…e.t.c’. We dont talk about it. Deep down I know it’s over. The cyber sex is just that, but I can’t stop hoping. I know he is not right for me. He’s got so many issues. He’s a liar. He’s a cheat. He’s a manipulator. He’s controlling and emotionally abusive but I still hope. There is something terribly wrong with me. I even dream of being his wife. I think it’s the fact that I’m very lonely and no man is checking me out.