Before BB went ‘to see his dad in Wales’, we had a day out.

“Let’s meet at 12 pm.”

OK. But at 12 pm on a weekday? Aren’t you working?

I still turned up anyway. Mostly because I was feeling randy. I don’t know what I was expecting at noon on a weekday, but there he was in his office wear. The only thing missing was his tie. I got in his car, he kissed me and I instantly forgot about what he was wearing. There is a way in which he works his tongue. Belted and ready to go I heard:

“First, I’ve got to meet a work colleague and give him his car keys,”

“Where is he?” I asked, just to be polite. I really didn’t care. I just wanted him to myself and the sooner we got rid of said colleague the better. He mentioned a town 47  miles away. My heart sunk in disappointment and slight apprehension. Why did I have the feeling that this was going to be like the other ‘car breaks’ day? Even worse, it’s started before I could get any sort of action. Still, I figured I had nothing to do so I tried to fake some mild enthusiasm for this ‘road trip’.  He turns the radio up a bit, it starts raining and Kings Of Leon come on. It’s Closer and suddenly all I can think of is Fish.

Perfect car. Perfect weather. Perfect song. Perfect moment. Wrong boy.

He drives along and we are talking about stuff.  Raoul Moat, how many sexual partner’s we’ve had, anal sex, our favourite food and so on. All this time I’m asking myself questions. Does he really live in my town? Why is his colleague so many miles away? What kind of job does he do exactly? Does he even work where he says he does? We get to the town and he tells me he has to hand over the keys to his colleague at a Sainsbury’s store near a certain junction. He reaches for his satnav and I  feel slightly ashamed for getting over myself. Cleary, the guy doesn’t know his way around the town. In fact, we ended up spending 20 minutes looking for this junction. So I start to relax and after finding it he tells me to go somewhere, in a shopping centre or something and wait for him. Eeerm, right…you don’t want your work colleague to see me. There is no shopping centre, only a Next store. He suggests I wait for him there. I do. At this point I’m feeling particularly pathetic. I expected him to take about 10 to 15 minutes. 20 minutes gone, he’s nowhere to be seen. 25 minutes and I’m tremendously pissed off.

30 minutes. You bastard!

He turns up around 2 minutes past the half hour and we walk back to his car.

“If I see anyone I know, just ignore me. I’m supposed to be at work.”

I’m angry now. So, I get in the car and I remain silent for the better part of 10 minutes. He then mentions lunch and we stop at a Harvester pub mostly because he’s ravenous. Me? Not so much but I love Harvester grub so I cheer up a bit. We sit across each other and I look at this man in front of me. What I’m doing here? What is he thinking? While on our way to meet his colleague we stopped somewhere and indulged. A bit of sexy time. So I sit there thinking of how he was calling out my name before and look into his green eyes. He’s asking about my family. Who cooks the most? My dad I say, and then he goes on about loving slowly cooked home roast. I don’t listen. I just look into his green eyes. They are so beautiful.

Is he kind to her? I hope he spends a lot of time with his child. What is he like at home? What was he thinking when he first met me that afternoon? Did he plan it like this?

I mention that I don’t like plain peas. He says he loves peas in whatever form they come. He offers me a leaf of parsley from his plate to spice up my plain peas. We laugh. He starts telling me about his childhood. How they use to steal carrots with other boys. Was he a little boy once? It’s hard to imagine. I finish my food and I go to the toilet, come back and finish the last of the beer he was having, he pays the bill and we are out of there. I’m silent again. Very thoughtful. Half an hour later we are having sex and I’m sweating and holding on for dear life. I’m a screamer. Later, we both have some Fox’s Mints – my mum buys two packets a week – and he tells me his legs feel like jelly.

“You’ve worn me out,” he tells me and chuckles.

“You’ve worn yourself out,” I quip. He laughs and kisses me while doing that thing with his tongue. We part.

As I walk home, I think of Fish and I’m singing in my head…

…You, shimmy shook my bone
Leaving me stranded all in love on my own
What do you think of me
Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep…